BabyGirl In The Crib

It stands to reason that “breaking even” might best be described as the balance of success and disappointment.  In life, we seek one, but find both, in turn.

There are moments, however, when it becomes clear that what you found wasn’t really a disappointment, but rather the detour which led you to the success you didn’t even know was there.

I firmly believe that I will always be a slave to the GPS.  Without it, I guarantee I will get lost every time.  There are zero percent navigational instincts within me.  But on a night in early June, I discovered that my GPS didn’t always give road directions.  Instead, the GPS guided my heart …

The state of New York is a bustling metropolis of activity.  50 miles away from the Big City, the insanity can begin.  I find it amazing that every four miles, you must stop and pay a toll of at least $1.25.  With the number of cars I am forced to share the road with on trips to New York, I stand in awe of the number of potholes on the New York roads.  They certainly have the funding from their numerous tolls.

And I’m sure that I, single-handedly, have funded them well by getting lost over and over again – sometimes paying the same tolls more than once.  LOL

What this can lead to is a lot of frustration.  Believe me, it gets very frustrating.  But my entire journey is always spent with one thought in mind … Esperanza.  And how much longer it will take me to get to her.  When all I want is to be holding her in my arms, the roads cannot be straight enough or short enough.

My journey began mid-morning and I wasn’t able to get to her until mid-afternoon.  Unintentional lengthier trips give me the time to deal with the dingbat SUV road hogs a little differently than yelling at them.  They give me determination to blaze a new pathway, if needs be, to get to her.

I was late for our Daddy-n-Me Day, but luckily a mutual ABDL friend was in the area and picked Esperanza up, taking her to the hotel where I would meet up with them.  Little did I realize that moment of first sight of her would include a sentiment that I often tried to put in her heart … one of “melting” and being so overcome with emotion that I couldn’t speak.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot and dodged the raindrops, pausing a moment to collect myself from the travel before walking in.

But when I opened that door what I saw made clear to me that my disappointment of lateness had become the success of arriving at the absolute perfect moment.

Esperanza sat in a crib, provided by the hotel.  Her hair was in those beloved pigtails she puts them in and her simple t-shirt cascaded down her frame to her bare legs and diapered bottom.

We made eye-contact and the look of adoration in her eyes melted me.  A lump formed in my throat and I walked in the room, kneeling by the crib side as she got up on her knees, too.  We embraced over the crib bars, rubbing nose tips and exchanging the hellos of a Daddy and BabyGirl who just melted together.

I wrapped my arms around her and whispered the silly nothings that make her giggle each time as I patted her diapered bottom.

And as I held her, I reflected on the obstacles in the way to get there – namely my navigational issues.  But as I held her, I realized that the way her first sight makes me feel is still exactly what it felt like the day I met her.