The look and the right

For as much as I like to call myself a gentle daddy, the truth is I’m the type of Daddy who could be labeled as submissive. Not in the sense of roles, but in the sense of personality.

And for as much as writing about “The Daddy who disciplines and rules with an iron fist” is a character which can make for a great story and storyline, I am not that kind of Daddy.

Having taken 2011 to emotionally recover from a break-up which I believed was going to destroy me from within, I’ve kept a low profile on a lot of things while purging my emotions through story after story until the emotions, and more importantly, the memories were gone.

She wasn’t just any BabyGirl.  She was the one I loved, the one I craved and the one I based the character of Lily on.  For years, I wrote those stories one chapter at a time and posted those stories all over the internet, telling the world how wonderful she was.  When something as strong as that ends, when the dynamic of a Daddy and BabyGirl relationship ends, it can drop you to your knees. At least, that’s what it did to me.

The future, once prepared and planned out, now seemed empty. It would take me some time to discover that the future wasn’t really empty. It was simply waiting to be filled.

And though the loss of her sucked the essence of life out of me for quite a while, it helped me to realize that the “Be-All End-All” was still out there.

I received an email from someone recently, asking me what kind of BabyGirl I was looking for. I didn’t reply to this email and it was one of the few times in my life that I hadn’t responded to an email.

Because I don’t believe personal ads produce many results, I don’t post them anymore, but as I sit here writing the 7th book in The Pajama BabyGirl Series, a thought has come to mind and if you have found this posting and read this far down, I believe you will be one of the few people who will ever read and know this.

From my past relationship, I have learned that looking for anyone should never include “the kind of BabyGirl I am looking for”, but rather “the kind of BabyGirl I am right for”.

So without further explanation, here is who she is (color coded, for the sake of being silly while being serious):

She wants to be submissive. She doesn’t want to be forced to be submissive. I’m a gentle daddy and while the appeal of what I like to call “butt whoopin’s” can be evolved towards with time and growth together, I’ll never be a disciplining Daddy. So the kind of BabyGirl I am right for won’t be looking for a Daddy who punishes.

She can give as much as she takes.  And she realizes that when two people give, no one has to take.  They simply need to receive from the other.  I’m a Daddy who thinks of himself last and finds joy in seeing others taken care of.  I will push myself to the point of exhaustion and then I’ll collapse.

It is at that moment, that I must remind myself that I am not Superman and I can’t do it all and I need to learn when to stop.  But I’ll also need a BabyGirl who understands that I will need time to recharge myself.

She wants a balance of Big and little in her life.  I want to know about her and have a relationship with her that encompasses the whole of us, not just the kink of us.  I don’t fall in love with the diaper.  I fall in love with the girl inside it.  And there will be so much more to her than the waddle she makes when she needs her diaper changed.

She can handle being spoiled without allowing it to effect the relationship.  I will always be a giving individual, to the point where my giving is taken for granted and taken advantage of.  It’s within my nature to be as such. 

Here’s a truth of myself:  When someone takes what I say and what I do for them for granted, it becomes extremely difficult to maintain a devotion of the heart.  I’ve proven to myself that it can be done, having never lost my love for someone who took a lot of things for granted, but it doesn’t mean I’ve learned my lesson.  And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to convince myself that sometimes I really do need to say “no”.

Lastly, she is a girl who is willing to work on imperfections.  Neither of us will be perfect, as individuals or as a couple, but entering into a relationship is something I will do with the intent of finding the rest of life.  I’m looking for the next 30 years.  Not the next 30 days or the next30 months, but the rest of life.

If I get 9 things done right, I’d really like to delight in those accomplishments as oppose to hearing all about that 1 thing I didn’t get done right.  Rest assured, that 1 thing will get done.  But it’s at a moment like that when volumes can be spoken about an individual.  Is that 1 thing undone more important than the 9 things that were?

The BabyGirl I am right for will see it the same way as I do.

So that’s my take on the difference between someone I am looking for and someone I am right for.    The look and the right.

I thank you for taking the time to read this and for showing me, by having read this far that the Be-All End-All truly is still out there.

– Zorro Daddy